Things to which David Cameron cannot find an alternative which a reasonably bright goldfish could find an alternative to

Someone's gone mad. Now whoever has the most power will win.

1. The cuts in general.

Alternative: Don’t cut Dave. That’s the alternative. It really isn’t necessary despite all your propaganda to the contrary. The deficit isn’t high in historical terms and the debts are not bad debts and nowhere near becoming bad debts. In a recession you need to spend more to get out of it. Spending less will be disastrous, except for those rich enough to be rich no matter the state of the economy.

2. Dismantling the NHS.

Alternative: Don’t dismantle the NHS. It mostly works, in spite of your cherry-picked statistics that mean nothing shorn of their context. The NHS works. It’s good value. Make incremental changes on the basis of studying where it has problems. You didn’t bother studying its actual problems and strengths did you Dave? Stop trying to channel taxpayers money to private health companies Dave.

3. Tuition fees.

Alternative: Don’t charge tuition fees Dave. Relative to government budgets it really won’t save that much money anyway. It is an ideological move as part of a program to turn education into a business to serve businesses. Stop it Dave.

4. Cut Local Authority budgets.

Alternative: Don’t cut Local Authority budgets. As you well know Dave, Local Authorities end up having to help all those who aren’t the winners in your glossy free market utopia. But you don’t care, do you Dave?

Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?

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